IT'S GREEN GREEN, GREEN THEY SAY, ON THE FAR SIDE OF THE HILL

As we contemplate the possibility that Seward’s Folly will be joined by Pompeo’s Folly – that is to say, that Republicans are serious about acquiring Greenland and strip-mining its resources – let us pause in life’s pleasures and count its many tears.

Donald Trump’s recent interest in Greenland is easy to mock, but it has a sinister foundation.  Trump himself wouldn’t know Greenland from Red Square, the Blue Ridge Mountains, or the Black Hills.  But this seemingly bizarre fantasy signals that some people in the Trump Administration understand that climate change is real.  And instead of trying to stop it, they’re trying to find ways to make money off it.  They’ve convinced Trump that there’s money to be made off of global warming.  They’re looking for short-term profits, and screw the future of the planet. 

Of course, Greenland isn’t for sale.  But if it were, we could indulge in some fantasy deal-making.  Republicans want Greenland?  OK, but make it a state.  And, in the spirit of the Missouri Compromise (conservatives revere the Missouri Compromise), we must insist on adding a southern state as well.  Puerto Rico, step right up. 

We’d get two new states with very different cultures (which would be a good thing), but which both have strong progressive traditions.  The citizens of Greenland are comfortable with Scandinavian-style socialism.  The citizens of Puerto Rico have seen first-hand the dangers of Republican misrule.  Two new states, four more progressive senators, six (assuming Puerto Rico gets five) more progressive members of the House.  What’s not to like? 

And once we have Greenland, we can set our sights on Vinland.  It’s only a matter of time until Newfoundland and Labrador are ours.  Then we turn west.  Manifest destiny rides again.  What could go wrong?